Slamming That Damn Book

Favourite- Something regarded with special favour or liking

As a kid, I really found it hard to fill slam books. They were a craze back then. But, somehow I always found it hard to find my favourite hobbies, favourite actor and actress, favourite pastime, favourite singer and other things. And the one that troubled me the most was- About Me. Let alone be the part where you have to write what your friends thought about you. Well, you see, my schooling passed without friends who had an insight. And I really didn’t want to take a chance with them. Not under those circumstances.

So, as a result, my favourite things changed. My favourites actors, actresses, favourite moments, favourite hobby, changed with every new slam book. And I grew up without finding out my favourite things. Without any favourites. I have always denied the opportunity to admit that I am a big music fan or that I liked watching movies or that I liked sitting on the internet, and that I just would like to lie down and sometimes sing like a maniac when I am all alone. Well, identity crisis can do that! Besides, I always wondered, how can a person have a favourite throughout the years? How is that possible?

And today, after all these years of struggling through blinding roads and dark fantasies, it still continues to trouble me. I have been trying to find out my answers ever since. And lately, I have realised these things in an epiphany:  

Epiphany- A moment of sudden understanding or revelation

Today: I am actually watching movies. Lots of them. I cried my heart out watching Finding Neverland, Enough, and Bridge to Terrabithia, laughed at Monsters’ Inc, Ice Age, and Up, did not move a muscle on Paranormal Activity and Grudge, and cried with a smile with I am Sam, My Sister’s Keeper, and The Lake House. I wanted to be in Terminator Salvation and The Taking of Pelham 123.

Before: I watched but never it was never an entry.   

Today: I listen to music at work. While travelling.  Whenever I am on the PC. Or when I am doing chores. Always.

Before: Never.

Today: I feel guilty if I don’t read when I am travelling.

Before: Read comics and story books.

Today: I sing whenever I feel like.  In the bus. In the balcony. In the bedroom. On the terrace. In my shower. While blogging. Miley Cyrus, Taylor Swift, MLTR, Shania Twain, Green Day, Enrique, Michael Jackson.

Before: Never.

Today: I dance probably with all my heart. I can do a bit of belly dance- the kind that would force Shakira to nod her head in disappointment when I finish it, a bit of moonwalk- MJ would not have been happy.

Before: Danced. But never a favourite.  

Today: I write to find my answers.

Before: I wrote as a chore.

Today: I take pride in cracking a Math problem. Preferably Sudoku.

Before: Never talked about Math for more than half a minute.

Today: I drooled over Hugh Jackman in X-Men Origins: Wolverine and Australia. Fell in love with John Travolta and Nicolas Cage in Face Off. Wanted to be like Diane Keaton when I am her age.

Before: It was some Bollywood actor whom I cannot stand to watch now.

Today: History allures me and so does Biology and Computer Science.

Before: My answer would have been English. Because that was the easiest.

Today: I want to capture every single moment in my camera.

Before: Never held a camera in my hand. And, never was in a picture.

Sometimes, I don’t want to have any favourites and sometimes, they keep on changing and most of the times, they just don’t make any sense, no matter how hard I try. I have realised that naming favourites really doesn’t matter as long as you enjoy everything that you are doing. I still don’t like slam books. And I still don’t have any favourites.

And I am glad. Because that way I don’t have to limit myself to a few lines when I can have a whole book.  

*Image Source: Google Images 

Ratz

The Last Shower

This week’s prompt from The Red Dress Club was to write a first person piece about describing a shower or eating a dinner- without a PERSONAL PRONOUN. Now sisters, I usually enjoy writing, but that was before today. Somehow Math looks easier to me now. This is all I could come up with. And I thought I was good at grammar. Apparently NOT SO!  

5: 05: 46 pm

The solitary shower stood in silence, waiting. The row of neatly arranged toiletries waited in another corner. A wet bottle of shampoo, the foamy soap, and the bath scrub. The innocuous water bustled within the bathtub making a silent music, a music that was uncommonly pleasant to hear.

POP. POP. POP.

One tiny bubble. POP.

Another tiny bubble. POP.

Somewhere in the background, a faint music arose and died. Arose and died again.

5: 27: 09 pm

The shower heard blunt knocks on its door. For half a minute. And then again. Thud! Thud! Thud!

A listless arm covered in foam lay next to the tub.

The blood eventually mingling with the overflowing water and then into the drain.

5: 29: 24 pm

Outside the window, loud sirens came to a halt.

Ratz

Now And Today

I walked down the steps.

To enter a world of drizzles.

Every single drizzle bristling with the energy, the same as the one I could feel in my feet.

I climbed a running bus.

Braved the people looking at me.

My messy hair all over my face.

A smile that was bursting to come out.

The newspaper in my hand.

The Sudoku blocks half empty.   

I have a new-found motive. And although it is strange and something that for the most part is incomprehensible, I am happy to have found it. There is a profound contentment within me, something that is new. I have been a hard worker, something that I learnt on my own. But many a time, my hard work made me grumpy. And sometimes, a snob. And sometimes, arrogant. Someone showed me how to work hard with a smile. Someone taught me to remember the motive for my hard work. And that someone also taught me to be normal to solve a problem.

Today I am silently smiling, and working hard for that someone. And I feel proud. I feel ecstatic. And I feel like I am walking with the universe.

My smile was never deep, the kind where you get a dimple on your cheek. My smile never reached my eyes. My smile was a tired smile, and although, I love smiling, it looked like smiling itself required hard work. But today I smile. I smile with a dimple on my left cheek. I smile showing the veins on my forehead. I smile with a happiness that effuses from my eyes.

Today I have removed the veil covering my dreams. Though sometimes, I try hiding in the darkness of my mundane thoughts, today I am fluttering again. Just like before. My soul beats like the wings of a humming bird, passing its energy to my brain and to my body. I travel a lot. Mostly for work. And yet I have the energy that I have never felt before, showing itself, at the moment when I started to question my destiny.  

I don’t feel alone. And although most of the times, it is just my shadow coming with me, I do not fear walking alone...

I am smiling. I am dreaming. I am walking. I am singing. I am silly. I am studying. I am responsible. I am just being what I wanted to be. Now and today. This very moment.   

*Image Source: Google Images

Ratz

Someday. Someway.

A person was born on the 16^th of August in the year of 1989. Another person was born on 19^th February of the year 1988.

The universe had its ways to make these two people meet. Meet in a city where one was born and where the other would be born again. Today after two years, the one born on the 19^th sits and wonders how the one born on the 16^th would be celebrating.

It is not sad. It is not happy. It is just a synchronised harmony between pain and laughs. Between the mysteries of the past and the endless prospects of the future. Between the unanswered questions and the answers that have been made up in one another’s absence.

Time moves. The waits get longer. The unanswered questions make up their own answers. And although, love beats in hearts, the words are lost. Lost with the time. Lost with the people in the city. And lost with the winds that take over lands in the subtle darkness of nights.

Tonight they must be sitting in two different cities… with two different families… doing two different things… thinking about two different thinkings… because once they tried to make everything into one. One city. One family. One thought. 

We fight harder when we are young. When we do not worry about what the world will say. we fight purely on instinct. And although, the world tries to keep us apart, we hold on a bit longer. Taking one last breath. Saying those beautiful words for one last time. Being there for one minute more. As 1988 and 1989 become 2010, it is not just the years that leave.

A boy was born on the 16^th of August in the year of 1989. A girl was born on the 19^th February of the year 1988.

The universe had its ways to make them meet, one day. And on another day, one of them listens to this song, with tears drenched in faith and a hope that lasts beyond what they had ever held close.

In my search for freedom and peace of mind

I've left the memories behind

Wanna start a new life but it seems to be rather absurd

When I know the truth is that I always think of you

Someday, someway together we will be baby

I will take and you will take your time

We'll wait for our fate, 'cause nobody owns us baby

We can shake we can shake the rock

Try to throw the picture out of my mind

Try to leave the memories behind

Here by the ocean waves carry voices from you

Do you know the truth, I am thinking of you too

Someday, someway together we will be baby

I will take and you will take your time

We'll wait for our fate, 'cause nobody owns us baby

We can shake we can shake the rock

The love we had together just fades away in time

And now you've got your own world and I guess I've got mine

But the passion that you planted in the middle of my heart

Is a passion that will never stop.   

If only voices stayed in the universe forever, maybe one voice would reach or maybe another voice would be heard. Someday.

Happy Birthday. You will always be a part of my laughs and smiles. Because that is how I remember you. Today and forever. 

*Image Source: Google Images 
*Song: Someday/MLTR  

Ratz

A Love that Will Never Grow Old...

I sit in my office when it rains. And it has been raining every single day. The strange sincerity of the Nature. It is like I am in love. The song in my heart rhymes with the rain. The clouds, the pouring drops, the puddles of water, and the wet clothes. They don’t seem to bother me much. As long as I get wet.

The thing that a cubicle can deny you of is the window pane and the pouring rain. But I try to watch it, in that every single minute that I could get. It scares me to think that all of this will be over soon. Soon there will be falling leaves. And soon there will be the winter.

The best part about Nature is that it never discriminates. The rain falls on everyone, the sun shines on everyone, the winds take every hat with them, and the moon will accompany every romantic walk. I cannot say that I am a Nature person. I love Nature as much as I love living.

They say, we always find our answers with Nature. It is one thing that has been the same as long as we have known. They also say, change is good. Change feels good. But it has to be over time and not quick. Because a quicker change will leave your heart pounding, without making you appreciate the change. Just like when you sleep late at night believing that tomorrow, I am going to start all over again, and yet when the alarm goes off at six in the morning, you hate it. You hate getting up. You hate starting all over again. Change has to be slow. Change has to be steady.

Just like Nature. Evolution has taken a million years. And every now and then, mutations occur. Slow but steady. A change that does not scare us. A change that finds its way to our hearts to appreciate it.

I live in a city, a city that is trying to overpower its heritage. But i am proud that I can still feel the winds on my face, and that the sun enters my room when I open the shades. And though, I cannot walk on the grass every single day and even when most of the times, I see an endless row of traffic on the way back home, I know that I will not fret standing in the pouring rain. And though, I would love to have an iPhone in my hand right now, I would want to be in the rain, thousand times more.  

It makes me happy to see a new flower in my balcony plants. It makes me happy when I see the rain falling on the window pane like a flowing river. It makes me happy to see the dark clouds going along with me. It makes me happy to know that I will love Nature as I have always loved it. A love that will never grow old. 

*Image Source: Google Images

Ratz

There is ONE Friend...

I am not the person who has multiples of friends. I just have three real close friends, the kind who would accept me the dirty, weird, silly, moronic, and cranky way that I am. Most of the times.

However, there is another group of friends who have become an important part of my life. They bear my silliness and most importantly my writing. And this post, is dedicated to those kindred souls, who are living in different time zones, fighting, struggling, broken hearted, laughing, fighting, working hard, working harder, and those who are trying to find a way out, those who are living their dreams, and those of whom, who though invisible, hold one simple part of my life.

There is one friend who is going through a divorce. And I cannot find the right words for her.

There is one friend who is deciding to start all over after a fallen marriage.

There is one friend who is trying to find a way to a new life, a new world, and a new job.

There is one friend who is leaving her job because she has to make the right decision.

There is one friend who is perfectly filling her boss’s shoes.

There is one friend who is being brave in difficult times.

There is one friend who is taking a road trip with her family. And probably she reached her destination by now.

There is one friend who is just like me, wanting to leave.

There is one friend who is welcoming her family today.

There is one friend who is trying to quit smoking.

There is one friend who is busy working all her summer.

There is one friend who is posting every Sunday after a come back.

There is one friend who is going to keep her promise of revealing her name.

There is one friend who is celebrating her birthday this Saturday.

There is one friend who is celebrating her birthday on 26^th.

There is one friend who is teaching me every single day to keep walking.

There is one friend who is helping me to hold onto my dream.

And every single one of them, real beautiful women, capable of so many things and perfect in their own way.

This post is for you. Blogging is time consuming. Sometimes, you just can’t read a long post. Sometimes, you cannot leave a comment. Sometimes, you just cannot find the right words to say. Sometimes, there are just too many posts.

But there is always a Trust.

The kind, a one year old baby has when you throw it in the air, and it still laughs because it knows you will catch him.  

*Image Source: Google Images

Ratz

Multitasking at Nothing Gets me Awards... Boo Yeah!

Hey there my fellow bloggy chubbies.

Pardon me for not being in my funniest best. I guess, I have sold my humor to my job. That too at a very cheap price. Trust me. My job can do that.

I have been working, and reading, and studying, and eating, and sleeping. That pretty much sums everything that is happening in my life currently. It is not that I am not happy, because I am. Oh wait! Well can ya blame me! I have this obsessive compulsion to do everything and anything. Because of which I am doing nothing. Like they say… Too much of anything can make you sick. Ok! Cheryl Cole said that. But still. You are getting my point right?

And even being absolutely good for nothing or not doing anything can fetch you awards, I believe. The only criterion is that you have to be real big multitasker and excellent at being a multitasker. Multitasking at Nothing Counts! Or atleast The Litany of Brittainy thinks so and I am obliged.

So, TADA…

Have you ever seen these awards? Aren’t they just awesome and so is our Brittainy. This permanent 28 year old mother has two amazing kiddos who are bloggers too! Don’t trust me! Check them out. Oh! Yeah My Infants Were Bloggers Too.

Now, I liked the Duct Tape Award for Bloggy Goodness. But for the obsessive compulsive MUST HAVE everything personality that I have… I shamelessly asked her for the other award as well. Yeah! I am that shameless when it comes to bloggy awards.

Now, since there are no rules fixed to these awards (which I think is great). Phew!

Wait for it!

Helen at morninglight. Now! Helen I know you do not accept awards, but for the past few weeks, you have been really working hard and I guess you deserve it.

Gnetchy Gnetch at Thank Goodness for the Good Ones. Well, most of the times she is evil, and she chopped her hair off recently, but still I am kinda proud of her for being strong in the tough times. So there you go Gnetchy Gnetch. You deserve it too.

Gem at Skipping Stones. For coming back to the blog world, after being kidnapped. Hehehe!

And, for Kelly at In Real Life and Karen at Life is what YOU make it for loving me always. :-D

Don’t judge me guys. I love you all the same.

Oh! and Thankyou Brittainy.

I am Shameless. Just shameless. 

Ratz

Sundays Do This to Me...

Sundays for me are not usually good. The thing that I hate the most about a Sunday is that I have to be at home. Everyone has different families and different homes. So, don’t judge me. It is just that, for me, home looks good when I am far far away from it.

So on Sundays, I really don’t have much of a choice. It is on days like these that I wish to go back to the phase of my life where I was all alone in a stranger city, where I used to do my grocery shopping, get my laundry done, went to work with a sense of pride, and when I came back, I yearned to be at home.

Much has changed for me. I am less hard working now because much of the work is not my headache. I don’t have to worry about the mounting laundry, I don’t have to keep an account of my spending, but I also do not have the chest with attitude and pride. It is lost on me. It is lost with the time. But, I know I will come back to that phase. One day. Soon.

This Sunday was no different. Have you ever known stretching on the sofa and watching TV because you cannot stand somebody else watching the TV. Well, you may be a good person, but I am not. I was doing the same. And how, all of a sudden, one single song that you have never cared to hear before plays and for the very first time, you actually listen to that song and you just know, just somehow know that that song has something for you in it.

All this time, I thought, being loved is the greatest feeling. A feeling out of this world. You see, love and I, we never agreed. We are not the best of friends and neither are we good acquaintances. It is something I will never understand and probably that is why it never allowed itself to comprehend. But for the first time, on a Sunday, while having the remote hidden beneath me, I realised that being loved alone does not necessarily be the ultimate thing in life.

Sometimes, it is sneaking behind your coffee cup, watching the person having their breakfast as you have done every single morning at the coffee house, or when you smile at the person everytime you see them in the elevator, or when you see them at the park walking their dog from your apartment, or even when you laugh with them every single time while walking back home, secretly knowing you love them.

Today, I learnt that getting tattoo increases your chances of getting Hepatitis C. Today, I learnt that I should not get the cellphone that I wanted for so long because it does not have a USB port. Today, I learnt that my hair could probably not take the negatives of hair coloring.

Taking away, one dream at a time.

But, most importantly, I learnt not to stop believing.


*Image Source: Google Images

Ratz

For Once, I Want to be So...

I am fluttering like a butterfly. My dreams are my wings and the world, my flowers. Being a butterfly, I am small. And I am not being negative. I just have different visions at different times, just as the colors of my wings. Sometimes, I feel tall. Sometimes, I feel invincible. Sometimes, I feel the merriness in my heart pounding at my feet. And sometimes, like today, I just can’t stop fluttering.

It is a good thing for most of the times. I can fly to heights showing off my wings and feeling the world in my taste buds. But today, I want to sit down. But I can’t because I am butterfly. My thoughts have come out of the cocoons and now they are fluttering as well. My head is a chaotic mix of murmurs and flutters.

There was a time when I wanted to be heard and wanted to be seen. But today, I want a veil over my face. Preferably, my whole body. I want the cocoon to come back again. I want to hide away in the shadows of the moon and disappear, somewhere in an unseen and unknown world. I don’t want people looking at me. I maybe a butterfly, but I am shy as well. I can become an extrovert but mostly I am an introvert. I want my thoughts for myself, for once. I want silence covering me in a shroud, so I can hear silence, alone.

For once I wish to close my eyes and see darkness and not the random lights twinkling in my eyes. I want my thoughts organised and not scattering away with every noise that strikes me. I don’t want to see faces and expressions. I don’t want to be heard. I want to see myself without other things coming into focus. For once I want to be the only image in my pictures.

And no I am not sad. I just want to be invisible. There is nothing wrong being invisible. I can smile without having to give a reason, I can cry without having to worry about my quirks, I can laugh making silly faces, I can dance without inhibitions, and I can be stupid without questions. For once, I want to be so.

Solitude gives my wings its colors. In the crowd, I try protecting my wings, always. To see the million dreams, I need to free myself from the world. I need to focus on things that have made me the butterfly I am today. For once, I want to stop fluttering. For once, I want to be the silent oak tree. For once, I want to be the ugly duckling. For once, I want to be unseen. For once, I want to be so. 

  

*Image Source: Google Images

Ratz

Why would I want to cry when I can laugh?

Why would I want to cry when I can laugh? Why would I live like a dead when I can live better? There are millions of things that run in our brain. You don’t even have to be Einstein for that! Of course the genius dedicated himself to the things that he loved very much. Most of them say, he was crazy, he used to wear different colored socks, his hair always seemed like he was electrocuted the minute before. But everyone knows, he was a genius.

The last few weeks have been so stressful. There have been lessons, there have been mistakes, there have been tears, there have been doubts, there have been questions, and most of the times, there were no answers. Isn’t it strange, that a man with a pot belly running as fast as he could to catch the metro at 8: 48am? What are the odds that he would make it in time, given the case that it is 8:47:05am that morning and he still had 20 stairs to cover? Well, let Mr. Einstein solve the problem. Shall we?

Life comes to a standstill when there are a million ways to go and you cannot choose even one. Maybe sometimes years have gone by and one lonely night you realise, you need to change. But then, you have so many ways. So, you come back to same phase of questions and unknown answers. Questions and unknown answers. You want to, but you couldn’t. And you sit in a dark room, trying to block the millions of options that your brain gives you, because you don’t want millions, you just want one damn option. One damn thing that will set you free. Even if it is for some time.

Maybe that guy that whom I saw last Sunday would not have caught the train because he was late by fifteen seconds. Maybe he missed it by five seconds. And, maybe he even made it just in time.  By two seconds. Isn’t that what life is all about? You keep trying, trying, trying, failing, trying, trying, trying, failing, trying, failing, about to give up, failing again, trying for one last time, and finally finding what you wanted. Maybe most of the times, life is hard. Maybe most of the times, the sun shines too bright to burn your back, and the winds blow just too rough to mess your perfectly set hair, and the night is too dark to walk all alone, and the train left just a second before, and maybe you woke up early, dressed perfectly and still didn’t make it to the office on time, and maybe it rained too hard to spoil your favourite shoes, and maybe it is just not your day or week or even month.

Of course, you cannot control the sun, not even the rain and the winds. But you can turn on the lights in your dark room, you can turn your frown into a smile, wear old shoes on a rainy day, or you can let your hair loose on a windy day and just go with the flow, and you can always take the next train when you miss the first. You see, there are a million little things that can make us sad and angry but there are a million littlest things that will change your day. 

Isn’t it obvious that you will choose icecream over asparagus? So, why would I want to cry when I can laugh? Why would I live like a dead when I can live better? Think, try, fail, try again, think better, failing again?, maybe you want to do something different this time. Don't give up. Someone said, 'Maths illiteracy affects 11 out of 6 people." So, big deal, WE ARE NOT EINSTEINS.

*Image Source: Google Images 

Ratz