April 4, 2012

For the Good.

there are so many things dancing in my head.

and, i am trying to stay calm. 

these days, i dream a lot. day dreams and the regular ones. both reflect what i want and what i fear of. i have been fearing life for its largeness. 


i was walking on the terrace this evening. i love these walks and when the moon is out, it is like a piece of heaven made just for me. but, i see everything changing. there are buildings now where once there was open space... space where the universe was visible. it was once visible in the dancing trees, in the giggling winds, in the twinkling leaves. now, everything is concrete...

it has taken but a year for all this change. 

it all has happened so fast, in front of my eyes that it scares me. i don't want to live in a city. i don't want to be surrounded by cold buildings. i want to walk on the green grass just because it is the most natural way to walk. i want to breathe in the air that comes from the universe... and i want to dip my feet in water whenever i feel. nothing can ever replace nature... a city most certainly cannot. as i sit and write this, i think of mumbai. mumbai is a beautiful city... it indeed is. it is but a haven of man. it is but a desperate attempt to survive. and, it is painful. the sea is the only saving grace of mumbai. i loved the sea. it is the only thing that will make you want to come to it no matter what time of the day. even when you are tired, you think of the sea, even when you are hot, you think of the sea, and even when you know you are falling in love, you think of the sea. you think of the sea when your heart is tired and broken. you think of the sea when your life is falling apart, and you think of the sea when you want to have fun with your best friends. the sea is everything and everything is the sea. 

mumbai equals sea. 

there is nothing else to love about mumbai. 

delhi.

delhi is a city, too fast for me. too slow for who are too fast. but still, it is easy to fall in love with delhi. you know why? it is one thing too simple. delhi accepts you for who you are. you might be a small girl with a dark complexion, a person with the least self esteem, a girl who dreams about changing her life every single day. delhi will let you do it. delhi will bring your dreams to life and it will bring life to you. they call mumbai the land of opportunities. i say, it is delhi where you can realize your dreams and not necessarily fall for them. you will still stand on your feet. you will still see your dreams turning into reality. 

that is what delhi does. 

delhi brings everyone together. and, delhi protects your dreams. 

there is no better reason to love delhi. 

it has been four years that i have lived here. i came here from the ruckus that chennai did to me. in the july of 2008. it is the year 2012. the year, i called mine. the year, i believe life will change for me. this city brought everything to me. it has made me feel grateful. i recovered from a broken heart, from a broken self. 

tonight, everything is about bringing back to life. i wanted some solitude, i wanted to have some winds messing my hair, and i wanted to have some answers to everything about my life. some things happened. some things will. 

you can always find your answers with nature. 

the endless sky. the bright moon. the twinkling stars. the cold winds. the dancing trees. the moonlight walks. 

everything is here. 

and, i hope i can always get to them whenever i want to. 

today, i complete one year with naandi. today, so many things happened that i never knew i was capable of doing. i don't know what i will do if i don't get into TISS. i don't know whether i want to continue working with naandi. i cannot say if i will get through tiss. nothing's sure.

but, there is no better time to raise your hope. and, there is no better time to believe in your faith. 

and, i am trying to do it now. i am trying to tell myself that i have everything. i am lucky. and, i am grateful. 

whatever will happen, will happen for the good. 

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