July 24, 2012

School's Started.

School's started. 

Nine days of orientation. 

9:30 am- 4:30 pm.

Four days of classes. 

Two days of field work. 

One Sunday every week.

Thousands of assignments. 

More people.

A few new friends. 

Little heartbreaks.

Starting again. 

Flying high. 

Hopes crossed. 


July 19, 2012

I Remember: Run. Wild. Free.

I remember a day in March...

The fog had lifted that afternoon, allowing the sun to take over. Oh! just for one day. I remember the tall shadows of the eucalyptus that stayed aloft as angels protecting us from harm. So, we decided to sit down, our tired legs would not allow us to walk farther. 

We let ourselves watch the green meadows, the fresh cut grass flirting with us, tingling, giggling. The wintry bounds slowly breaking, slowly rising to vapors with the promise of spring. 

We thought we had aged, lost our vigor, lost our will to scream. We thought our lungs were fried, our toes a little too less eager. 

We watched three young boys play football in the entirety of that moment. Incredible. We stood and walked towards them. 

Yes, they said. We could play along. They passed the ball to us. 

I remember that day in March...

A light sun streaming constantly on the green, newly-trimmed grass. The tall shadows of the eucalyptus that stayed aloft as angels protecting me from harm. 

For the first time in so many months, I ran... I ran with the power of the wind, I could feel the burn in my lungs, the fire creeping up in my legs, as I ran. I ran knowing I hadn't run in a long long time... I ran knowing this moment won't come again for so many more years, and I ran knowing I missed this freedom. 

I remember running with careless freedom. 

Today, all I want to do is run again. 

Run. Wild. Free. 


 

“I remember…” Writing Me series!, Bigger Picture Blogs. You can catch up with the best lot of writers here. Bigger Picture Blogs.

July 15, 2012

Fingers Crossed.

You see the ticker with the bright tag A New Adventure?

This post is going to be about that. 

I am going back to school again. To get my master's degree this time. In another week and two days, I will be boarding the metro, with a backpack, wearing a light pink flowered dress, and my glasses. I can imagine that day clearly. I will wake up on time and yet somehow I would be late. 

I even had a dream about it last night. A nightmare, actually. One where I arrive at the scene an hour late. The college is in ruins because of a terrorist attack. And, it is left to me to find out who is behind all this. Are you even serious? Of course, there is a guy- the guy from the FBI resembling Tom Felton. We find out the bad guy, shoot him down, but then, of course I get shot down. Dying in the arms of Tom Felton, a silent whisper, and the lights fade out... 

Aren't I the cool one?

I wouldn't say I am nervous. 

Nervous means easily agitated. 

I am not easily agitated. I have the feeling of being dunk in cold water, dripping wet, with the chillness numbing my bones and nerves. I have the feeling of being asked to walk in bright daylight. If you know what I mean!

Actually even I don't know what that means... anyhow!

It's been four years since I completed my graduation. It's been four years since I know what it means to be a student. Sure, I still have it in me... but that is just my mother saying that in the background. All this wait is not helping me much either. I daydream about it, about my lecturers, about my classes, about the guys and girls, about me in that crowd. 

I am scared. 

Just that. 

I am trying my best to keep calm and carry on. I can do that easily during the day but as Hemingway said it is awfully easy to be hard-boiled about everything in the daytime, but at night it is another thing.

One week and two days. 

Of course, my life is going to be less adventurous than my dream. 

Still. Keeping fingers crossed. 

Fingers crossed.

Mostly for Tom Felton. 

I am not even obsessing about him. Someone tell them that! Pfft.


July 12, 2012

July 10, 2012

A Tribute.

This past week has been the following things...

scary

exciting

nervous

done

ambition

nostalgia

family

So, it is only justified that bring all of this together in one piece. I wanted to write about it here.. my life. But, in stead, I wrote on Oh! Dear Giggles

A tribute to my parents. 25 years.


July 9, 2012

Scattered.

I am scattered at the moment. 

Scattered bits from Twitter

Discontentment.

Stop thinking about it. It is over and you don't have to become a victim of one random incident. #selftalk

A good way to work for a more peaceful world is to develop concern for others. -The Dalai Lama retweeted

Maybe I am just scared about this whole stuff. #selftalk

“Someone you haven’t even met yet is wondering what it’d be like to know someone like you.” — Iain Thomas retweeted

Once you gain a little maturity, you realize that it's MUCH more rad to be a classy lady than a bad girl.  retweeted

"We can do this if you keep positive, you hear me? I'm with you all the way, right to the end!" A positive pep talk from ! retweeted

July 6, 2012

The First Rain.


Oh listen!

In the stillness, it comes silently. 

First, just one single drop. A few leaves rustle. Content. Happy. Giggling. 

Then, another drop. Another. Another. 

A downpour. 

I sit and write... my forthcoming adventures, how there is so much more to come, adding to my life. 

And, then it rains. 

I rush to the balcony. 

My mother comes out too. 

We soak in the rain, letting ourselves melt away. Our wet hair dripping, our clothes hugging us tight. Smiles making their way onto our faces. 

We stand together, embracing the rain. Drop by drop. 

A mother-daughter moment, not lost, just growing stronger. 

It rains for more minutes, seconds giving away more time, more patience, more delight. 

The season's first rain. 

The heat tucked away in time, forgotten, lost upon us and on so many more. 

I hear giggles, laughs, splashes of water. 

Everyone around us enjoying, welcoming the rain a little more with open hearts. Appreciative of all that flowing water after spells of heat and sweat. 

The season's first rain. 

Pictures snapped. Wet hair let loose. Clothes changed. 

Back in the rooms. Already missing the rain. 

Worries lost for some time at least. The rain- the only conversation. 

I already imagine tomorrow's headline- City cools after the first monsoon shower. 

More pictures. More happy faces. 

Throw those umbrellas away. Jump in the puddles. Throw your head back and look at the sky, taste the rain. 

Feel its coldness on your skin. Refreshing. Heartfelt. Happy.

The season's first rain is here. 

I am happy.

:)

July 5, 2012

From Now On.


I got through the master's Program in Social Work at the Delhi School of Social Work. 

I still cannot believe it, I still cannot acknowledge the reality that it has happened, that finally I am a little closer to my dreams. 

I am officially a student who is going to pursue her masters.

It all seems like a beautiful emotion flowing within me. It doesn't look like a dream. Because, I don't want it to be like a dream. I want it to be real, something I can feel and oh! boy does that feel so good!

After all these years, all these days of lost confidence, lost patience, lost beliefs, I can finally look at myself with some respect. And, it is not for getting through in the school but it is more for not losing it all together. Yes! there have been times when I could not believe in myself, where I doubted every decision that I had made, and oh! there have been times when I wanted to just forget about this whole thing altogether. 

But, in the end, trying does has its results. 


And, I feel good about that trying. I feel good about not having lost the final string of hope, about trying one more time, and I feel happy about that. 

When I saw my name on the result list, I vaguely remember the relief that hit me like a beautiful, warm wave touching my feet on a cold day. I hugged my sister and she hugged me and together we laughed, we cried, we stayed in silence. 

This was not a dream.

We wiped the tears off our eyes but they just won't go away. We held each other, in silence and in sound, in calmness and in chaos. And, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I would not have wanted to share this moment with anyone else. It was only her who could have understood what I had been feeling, what I felt at that moment, and what I feel from now on... only her. 

This evening, I shared posts to my future daughter written by someone else and I was thinking whether I would no longer be able to write to her as my own, as her own. But, I guess we are not going anywhere. We are here. Together. In this moment. Tied by an invisible thread of hopes climbing high because I know, I am one step closer to her... walking towards her with a swollen heart full of excitement, anxiety, nervous energy, but mostly knowing that this is going to be good. 

From now on, it is going to be faith. Hope climbing a step higher. And, belief clipping those mocking words. 

I am one with her tonight. 

A seemingly familiar feeling of relief crowding my head and it feels like I am drunk in all that energy. 

Happy. Calm. Content. In one piece- not in bits. But, together- as a whole. 

With her.

I did it!

It's July fourth.

I have my independence today too, I guess.

From fear, from insecurity, from a lesser life.

July 4, 2012

I Remember: Writing Me

-source


I remember not every day as being easy as breathing. 

The irony was, sometimes even breathing became hard. A chore. A difficult task. 

I remember the stinginess of the cold, its vile maliciousness tearing my soul into bits and pieces. How for one moment, I would recoil into loneliness. And, how with the next hint of sun, I could finally breathe. 

I remember what it means to be free from pretension of happiness. How the smokiness of your eyes would add to your sparkle when you recognize yourself in the mirror- a smile making its way, calmly, like it always knew it would win. 

I remember why it was so hard to trust in myself... to know that somehow I will pull myself up from this as well. Sitting in the streams of tears, washing ashore the beliefs that could kill, pushing everything else away.

I remember the summer after the fall. How it brought in me a rising hope, a glint of sunshine, a passage to a time when everything before was gone and everything new was yet to happen. 

I remember how last year everything was different, I was different, my motto was different. 

Today it is about being bold. 

That time it was to survive. 

I remember the dreaminess of the past, the brightness of the future, and the calmness of the present. 

The moment. The in. The now.

~ ~ ~


In this new writing exercise for our Writing Me series!, Bigger Picture Blogs are asking us to write pieces with the phrase “I remember…” The requirements are simply to write a piece where each sentence, or simply each phrase, begins with the two thought provoking words I remember.  Your piece could start off with general phrases, and end up in a specific memory. Or start specific and end up general. It could be a poem. It could be a story. It could have a theme, or each phrase/sentence could stand alone. Go where your words and recollections take you. A few lines, or dozens, write as your heart responds to the prompt.   

July 2, 2012

Spontaneous Sojourn.


I am leaving to Gurgaon this afternoon. A sudden plan, a packed backpack, a few clothes, and I am off. I have been waiting for a chance like this for some time... a spontaneous sojourn. 

All I could think of is how my life is ready to change. Everything is changing. Everything. 

The possibilities seem endless. And, mostly I am becoming more confident. Now, that I have a fighting chance, things are changing. It makes all the difference, I guess. 

I sit in this heat, with dreams unlimited. How is it that I am no longer limiting myself? How is it that I have become so much more confident?

So many questions. 

I am writing in bits and pieces because that is how I am. In bits and pieces. In silence and in praise. In calmness and in happiness. 

Things will fall back in place. Things will change again. But, I will hold onto all that I have. Quietly. 

I will be back on the 3rd. 

Here's to new memories, new moments, new friendships. 

Happy Monday, everyone!